Humor from "over there"..

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Humor from "over there"..

Postby Karlsweldt » Thu May 29, 2014 7:05 am

Got the following in an Email..
===============================
BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bugger.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Children Are Quick
____________________________________
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_______________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
______________________________
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
F@H.. to solve mankind's maladies.. in our lifetimes!
Karlsweldt
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Postby Mark H » Thu May 29, 2014 4:21 pm

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off


That would make a good signature :D
I have a photographic memory, only problem is, I ran out of film.
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Postby Karlsweldt » Sat May 31, 2014 6:11 am

Here is a quandary of sorts..
Most of us have heard of a "country mile" and a "New York Minute".
If you were to travel a "country mile" in a "New York Minute", how fast would you be going?
==============================
Found this on a Web site some time ago.. could be an "Et Tu"?
-------------------------------------------
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN
THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen
to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up!
Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them.
You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." Image
-------------------------------------
F@H.. to solve mankind's maladies.. in our lifetimes!
Karlsweldt
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Joined: Wed Nov 12, 2003 11:57 am
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Re: Humor from "over there"..

Postby markirob1 » Fri Oct 17, 2014 1:14 pm

Most of us have heard of a "country mile" and a "New York Minute".
If you were to travel a "country mile" in a "New York Minute", how fast would you be going?
A country mile might be more enjoyable than a city mile, a New York minute might be more exiting than a, well! lets be honest, an anywhere else minute. However the answer is still.
60mph.. :D
96.5606 kmph :wink:

Brains from over there!
I took a look at it.. Its not broken now!!.. but its not fixed either!!!
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